It's truly saddening to see someone you thought so much of, come crashing down from the pedestal you put him on. My father was always a hero in my eyes. I wrote numerous essays while I was in school, about how incredible he was as a father, a husband and a person in general. Today, all I want to write him is hate mail.
For the first time in my life today I exploded on my mother and I called him a worthless, good for nothing, insensitive ass. I have no respect for him and very little love. At my 24 years of age I have a much higher level of maturity than this man has at 50!
I remember I used to hide behind furniture when his car rolled in the driveway, getting home from work. It was routine that he'd have to come find me when he walked in the door. Only he never found me... I always jumped out at him, and he always acted surprised.
This is much like I think of him now. I always hid from the truth and before it could find me I'd jump out at it to alter the reality in my favor... Truth is; he never played with us, we played with him and even then it was limited. My dad never sat and talked with me about how I was doing in school, with friends or with boys.. or lack there of. He was uninterested in raising us, because he thought that all being a "father" meant, was providing for his family financially.
So now that he doesn't even do that, where does it leave him?
Nowhere. Just another strange face.
Just another person, on the list of people I wish I had the courage to confront. I still love my dad and that hurts the most. Finding out that the person you love, doesn't love you the same. Wanting to beat his face to a pulp and at the same time wishing you could run in to his arms seeking an answer to the simplest question... "Please, say it's not true?"
"Dear Dad,
For a man who's claims to be a devout catholic, your behavior is incredibly unchristian. You are no longer the exemplary man that I could look up to, but the man I will advise my son to never be.
-Jeanette"
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