War, The Health Hazard

Of course Jeanette, it's common sense. Being a soldier in the U.S. Army, or any Army for that matter, poses a serious threat to a soldiers life, as well as his health. They're likely to be shot at; possibly injured. As wives/husbands/parents our biggest fear is just that, or worse yet, death. So when our loved ones come home alive and in one peace, we're overjoyed. Of course, it's only normal! None of us could ever imagine our family members coming home with a serious illness, much less the possibility that war, may have been the cause.

This is why I am writing this today. I've just been told by an old friend, that two soldiers from my husbands unit had been diagnosed with Cancer, sadly one has passed away, and another is currently fighting his battle. Upon further research I found that there's many more cases out there of soldiers coming home with critical health problems. You may now be wondering what the causes may be. It can vary, "depleted uranium in projectiles, remains of Saddams chemical weapons and even burning oil wells." as New York's 'The Sun' states. Radiation is happening and soldiers are coming home to die from exposure.

What can we as wives/husband or parents do? Inform yourself and don't panic. Even if your family member has deployed, it doesn't mean they have cancer. Even so, I will tell you they can request to have tests run. They call it the "Gulf War Exam" and any soldier returning from the middle east can ask to have it done. VA won't take responsibility for anything diagnosed 12 months after exiting the service so have your soldier do it now? Have it be the first thing they do. Because it can never be too soon to treat, although symptoms take time to appear. If there's something in their blood, it will be seen.

Lastly, this isn't intended to spread fear but it's heart breaking to hear of friends who are fighting a battle for us, serving our country and our country won't fight for them. Where is this in the headlines? We need less "Snookie" and more news of the battles our soldiers are fighting. Not only overseas but on the home front. I want you all to be informed and if nothing more, know of the exam. It's our soldiers rights to become aware of all the help that's out there for them, before it's too late! I'm including the articles and pages I've come across. Please read for yourself and spread the word or share this page!

Residue From the Burn Pits of Iraq: Soldiers with Cancer

Veterans' Rare Cancers Raise Fears of Toxic Battlefields

SSG Matthew Bumpus' Battle

Love. Peace. Sanity.

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

I like to think that I'm entering a new chapter in my life. One where I flourish and grow as a woman, as well as reconnect with myself as a youth. Of course I'll never get those years back and I don't care to. The dreams and aspirations that girl had however, is a different story. I still hope to someday accomplish what I one day hoped to be.

This new part of my life, is a fresh start. I cherish my past and don't regret the decisions that have brought me to where I am. Every wrong turn was a lesson learned. Today as I was cleaning out my email inbox from the email that I've had since 02, I stumbled upon a note I wrote to myself. One I don't even recall writing. It reads as follows:

"Jeanette,

Be proud, for today is a new day, your past is walking away from you as we speak.... boarding a plane to Guadalajara, Mexico. He said he'd return in a year or so, but by then it won't matter anymore. He will be just a simple memory faded with time, there is clairevoyance now, in your future your thoughts are clear, you can accomplish anything.... you survived yesterday, you can handle anything today!!! 

~Much love~
Your Inner Strength
Yourself, Your Bestfriend, You"

Written April 19 of 2004

It was referring to an abusive ex that I had finally managed to break free of. A person that left me hurt, confused and broken. Since then my self esteem has been low. Of course it's affected my decisions in all I do. From marriage to parenting, work to school, I question my abilities. Thankfully, my husband is a sweet, gentle and caring man, who does his best to boost my self esteem.

Today, I am happy to say, I am a much more confidant person than I have ever been. I owe it not only to my husband, but my kids and the many friends I have been blessed with. Of course there's still those people who think they're better than me and in all honesty, they might just be. Or could've been, if not for their self righteousness, false sense of superiority and arrogance.

I pride myself in being a kind, loving and loyal friend. One that won't put you down when you're feeling tattered or torn. I won't sting you with sarcasm when you need support and sensitivity.

*Moral*

No one has the right to treat you like dirt. If there's someone you know that says hurtful things to you, no matter how sarcastic or subliminal. Remove them from your life. The drama that may ensue is nothing, compared to the feeling of relief you get from being able to say or do something without fear of judgement.

Love. Peace. Sanity

Educating Jei

You can get all A's and still flunk life.  ~Walker Percy

I think that this quote suits me, in it's reverse form. I was terrible in school, but in life I feel like I've done excellent. I have a husband who loves me, and two wonderful kids. I have exceptional friends who surround me and I've come to love like my own family. Correction. They are my family. 

This doesn't, however, change the fact that as beautiful as my life is and as much as I enjoy my husband and kids, I feel there can be more to my life. It's something I've been thinking of constantly and I came to a realization today, that if I wanted something to happen, I had to make it happen. So I went to our local Education Center on post.

I felt instantly sick, walking in the door, with nausea and anxiety. In my head I heard voices telling me to turn around and quit wasting time. I heard myself say, "you'll never finish anyway, you'll fail or worse yet, quit". It took every ounce of my will power not to get up and walk out. I stuck through it though, and eventually my number came up the big 1-6. I spoke to a counselor who advised me as to what classes I can potentially take and how to apply for Financial Aid. It was the hardest thing I've done in a long time, sit there and try not to look petrified, listening to this woman talk to me an tell me of all the things that I can do. And not cry.

You may have already guessed that I am quite an insecure person. If you haven't you're a little dim. Just kidding, jokes are my way of shaking off anxiety and stress. I can sometimes joke about things that are inappropriate or at an inappropriate time. That was completely irrelevant, sorry. Most of us have insecurities, be them about our appearances, our intelligence and any skills that we may have. That we could look better, be smarter, and accomplish more. My insecurities range from all of these and then some. So it comes to no surprise to me, that sitting in that office, I felt unworthy. Except. For the past 4 years I've let my insecurities be the basis of my actions. Why I do, or rather didn't do those things I dreamed of doing. Nothing and no one but myself, was holding me back. Come to find out I could have been somewhere, not far from finishing a career, under the assumption that I'd have done well, of course. I plan to no longer let my fears of failure halt my efforts. As they say "The only real failure in life, is the failure to try"...

Moral...

I may or may not do well but I'm capable of trying and willing to do so.

I'm going to go back to school and put 150% of what I have into it... because normal people to Jei ratio... that's the equivalent of putting in 100% effort. Haha! Another Joke!

Peace. Love. Sanity.

One More For The Road?

"A rolling stone gathers no moss"- Publius Syrus

This is the phrase that comes to mind when I think military family. It makes perfect sense with all the relocating, it may not always be you moving but there's always people you come to love, leaving. I've had to say good-bye to a few friends due to an ETS in the past. Now, I'll be the one moving.

For the past 5 years of my life I've called Fort Lewis, Wa, home. So It's no surprise, I'm saddened now that my husband has come up on orders to PCS. By military standards we've been here too long, especially since it's been my husbands only station in his almost 8 year career. I can't help but cry at the thought of leaving the only place I've called home. More home to me, than the place I was born and raised, because it's been the place where our family was established. It should bring me joy to know that by this time next year, I will be planning a move back home. Only 3 hours shy of my parents home and the rest of our familiy, but I can't help but dread going back. I can't help but wonder "Will I ever see the hospital my children were born in again?" "Will the next family to live in this house care for it the same?" "What about all my lakes, rivers and nearby beaches?, Will I ever again see the beauty of my first and only real home?" "What about the friends who have turned into family?" "Am I really prepared to say good-bye?" 

The answers to these questions don't matter. We're leaving and although no one may ever understand, it breaks my heart to have to say good-bye to the friends and family I've made here. The only family I've known for so long. I would go to the moon and back as long as my husband was with me and that's my mantra. If California is to be our next home, I'll view it as a blessing in disguise. 

I'll be trading umbrellas and rain boots for.... whatever Californians use out in the desert. Oh Joy! The Desert, the hot, dry, boring desert. Here we come!

Good-bye beautiful rain, orange and pink sunsets, beautiful trees and green grass!

California... here I come.

Peace. Love. Sanity. 

The Highlight Of My Day....

I would have to say is the end, but is there ever really an end???

I'm not so sure. Every night I put my children to bed at 8 on the dot. I'm very strickt on their bedtime and strive to instill healthy sleeping habits. Sure... occasionally, I'll be out and a bed is not readily available but then we just wait till we come home and It's "Kailie brush your teeth and slip into your jammies" and I prepare a bottle for Ben. I'm actually pretty lucky because neither of my kids are a pain to put down [listen to me they sound like dogs]. All Ben needs is a bottle and a quick song and all Kailie asks is I read a book to her before bed. They're perfect. 

So they're not the problem, but the fact that I turn into a wild woman with a night life when they sleep, is.

Yes. No. I was kidding. Although night time is my time to unwind first comes Laundry, kitchen cleaning, bedroom, bathrooms and everything I can't possibly do uninterrupted during the day. Then when that's done or not (Sometimes I give up, I'll be honest). I go on to maybe write my husband a letter [that I probably won't sent] or edit a video for YouTube, which I recently picked back up. My days drag into nights, and my nights drag into days. Usually by the time I get everything out of the way or half started and put back down [LOL] It's 2am and I'm no longer going to bed and waking up tomorrow, I'm taking a "Power Nap!" and waking up in a couple of hours. It's a never ending story of an Army Wife on deployment and I say this because most other wives I speak to agree, that when the husband is gone getting to bed becomes much more difficult. How could it not? Who wants to go to bed alone? I don't that's for sure. I want my husband to cuddle up to and when I should be asleep I'm staring at my iPod's world clock, set to Baghdad time, wondering what he's doing at that very moment.

* Moral of the Story *

My life during deployment is like a run-on sentence, it has it's pauses [overuse of commas and semicolons] but does it ever really stop? And does it make sense? LOL!

Peace. Love. Sanity. (Please) 

I hope you giggled!