You can get all A's and still flunk life. ~Walker Percy
I think that this quote suits me, in it's reverse form. I was terrible in school, but in life I feel like I've done excellent. I have a husband who loves me, and two wonderful kids. I have exceptional friends who surround me and I've come to love like my own family. Correction. They are my family.
This doesn't, however, change the fact that as beautiful as my life is and as much as I enjoy my husband and kids, I feel there can be more to my life. It's something I've been thinking of constantly and I came to a realization today, that if I wanted something to happen, I had to make it happen. So I went to our local Education Center on post.
I felt instantly sick, walking in the door, with nausea and anxiety. In my head I heard voices telling me to turn around and quit wasting time. I heard myself say, "you'll never finish anyway, you'll fail or worse yet, quit". It took every ounce of my will power not to get up and walk out. I stuck through it though, and eventually my number came up the big 1-6. I spoke to a counselor who advised me as to what classes I can potentially take and how to apply for Financial Aid. It was the hardest thing I've done in a long time, sit there and try not to look petrified, listening to this woman talk to me an tell me of all the things that I can do. And not cry.
You may have already guessed that I am quite an insecure person. If you haven't you're a little dim. Just kidding, jokes are my way of shaking off anxiety and stress. I can sometimes joke about things that are inappropriate or at an inappropriate time. That was completely irrelevant, sorry. Most of us have insecurities, be them about our appearances, our intelligence and any skills that we may have. That we could look better, be smarter, and accomplish more. My insecurities range from all of these and then some. So it comes to no surprise to me, that sitting in that office, I felt unworthy. Except. For the past 4 years I've let my insecurities be the basis of my actions. Why I do, or rather didn't do those things I dreamed of doing. Nothing and no one but myself, was holding me back. Come to find out I could have been somewhere, not far from finishing a career, under the assumption that I'd have done well, of course. I plan to no longer let my fears of failure halt my efforts. As they say "The only real failure in life, is the failure to try"...
Moral...
I may or may not do well but I'm capable of trying and willing to do so.
I'm going to go back to school and put 150% of what I have into it... because normal people to Jei ratio... that's the equivalent of putting in 100% effort. Haha! Another Joke!
Peace. Love. Sanity.
I felt instantly sick, walking in the door, with nausea and anxiety. In my head I heard voices telling me to turn around and quit wasting time. I heard myself say, "you'll never finish anyway, you'll fail or worse yet, quit". It took every ounce of my will power not to get up and walk out. I stuck through it though, and eventually my number came up the big 1-6. I spoke to a counselor who advised me as to what classes I can potentially take and how to apply for Financial Aid. It was the hardest thing I've done in a long time, sit there and try not to look petrified, listening to this woman talk to me an tell me of all the things that I can do. And not cry.
You may have already guessed that I am quite an insecure person. If you haven't you're a little dim. Just kidding, jokes are my way of shaking off anxiety and stress. I can sometimes joke about things that are inappropriate or at an inappropriate time. That was completely irrelevant, sorry. Most of us have insecurities, be them about our appearances, our intelligence and any skills that we may have. That we could look better, be smarter, and accomplish more. My insecurities range from all of these and then some. So it comes to no surprise to me, that sitting in that office, I felt unworthy. Except. For the past 4 years I've let my insecurities be the basis of my actions. Why I do, or rather didn't do those things I dreamed of doing. Nothing and no one but myself, was holding me back. Come to find out I could have been somewhere, not far from finishing a career, under the assumption that I'd have done well, of course. I plan to no longer let my fears of failure halt my efforts. As they say "The only real failure in life, is the failure to try"...
Moral...
I may or may not do well but I'm capable of trying and willing to do so.
I'm going to go back to school and put 150% of what I have into it... because normal people to Jei ratio... that's the equivalent of putting in 100% effort. Haha! Another Joke!
Peace. Love. Sanity.
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