Gift of Life and Love

My Letter To Heaven


Dearest Antonio, 

I'm your only son's wife... I felt compelled to write to you, in honor of this day. It would've been nice to know you. You're son is an amazing man, I know you'd be so proud of him, and the soldier, husband and father that he became. I'm proud to be his wife. Everyday, I think of you and I say a little prayer. I pray that you're out there looking over him, although I know that there's no need for me to ask. I know if you were here, you'd say to him how great he is and then he might believe it. Everything would've been different for him. If he had only had you to lean on. If he could've only cried with you. His youth would've been different If you had only been around. He'd have known how great he was, how smart and how talented. How loved he was. He'd have known he could be more, do more.  He loves his Dad, Juan has been such a great father... I know you know that too. Regardless, I can see the void it's left in him, a void no one can fill. To never have spent one day with you, has left him to wonder if you would approve of him and who he has become, I know that you would. I just hope that he figures that out.

He's a beautiful man, with a heart of gold. I don't know if I say it enough, that I love him more than life itself. He's smart, and incredibly good looking. He has your eyes you know, and your smile. He has your height and even your hair. He looks very little like Mom, he's identical to you. I don't know how else to say to him how much he means to me, to make him believe it. He has all the answers, it's astounding how much knowledge fits in his brain. I'm always in awe by his random facts. He loves Astronomy and Science in general. I wish we knew if you did too. He loves to read of newly discovered species, he googles it. Even with all those smarts he still self doubts. I hope our children get that from him, not the insecurity, but the craving to know more.. I wish you'd met them too. Or rather that they'd gotten to meet you. I know wherever you are you're watching them, getting to know them. 

It's unbelievable how one action, can cause a reaction that alters the universe.

It's possible had you been around, he'd never have come to the U.S. Maybe, he'd still be in El Salvador... he could be somewhere else, who knows. Then, I wouldn't have such a wonderful extended family as I do today, a sister that I love and two more brothers, aunts and uncles, more parents or my darling kids... but I like to believe that maybe someday, we'd have run into each other and met the same fate. Only difference would've been you. I don't know you and I love you. I miss you and yet, we have never met. I look forward to meeting you in heaven and I hope for now, you'll continue to look over him and our children. I hope that you'll find a way to show him, how wonderful he is.

Rest In Peace Dad

Antonio Elias Martinez (on right)

Peace. Love. Sanity

Memorial Day

Unlike Valentines Day, National Nurses Day or Secretaries Day this isn't a simple Hallmark holiday. It was first known as Decoration Day, originating in the years following the Civil War. It became an official federal holiday in 1971. It was a time when people would visit the graves and various memorials dedicated to the brave souls who sacrificed themselves for their country and decorate the sites. Adding ribbons, flowers, and letters to loved ones lost. A time where people celebrated with parades and carnivals the gift of life and the purpose behind it's loss. 

Sadly, today fewer and fewer people see it for what it is. More and more people celebrate by partying and drinking, which is fine, but where's the recognition that our veterans deserve? The veterans from as far back as the civil war and those from today. 

This weekend will be a time of remembrance for me, a time where I will not only thank those brave men and women for their gift of service to our country, but thank their families as well. I appreciate every man and woman who has given the ultimate gift. As well as every man and woman who is still out there, ready to pay the same price for our freedom. 

On a more personal level, I will remember the men who fought side by side with my husband and never made it home. Among these men was PFC Adam Harris.

In Loving Memory of Adam Harris

Adam Harris was my husbands best friend,  he had a great sense of humor. He was loved by all, today, he is missed dearly. I never personally knew him but he had made such an impact on my husband in such a positive way I feel like I owe him a lot. He was killed in action only a month before homecoming. This Memorial Day Blog is dedicated to him, because all though I feel sorrow for his loss, it could've very well been my husband. Thank You Adam! For the sacrifice you gave, I would have loved to know you! 

The End Of The Yellow Brick Road...

I've been standing still for far too long. Waiting, praying, hoping. Waiting for my husband to come home, praying he's safe and hoping time goes by quickly. It's not much longer now, our family as well as countless others are preparing for the return of their soldier. I can feel the emotions people go through, a sense of elation that surrounds them and me as well. This Mother's Day weekend was an exceptionally lovely one, not just because of the flowers my husband sent me or the my daughter remembering [of her own accord] to wish me a happy holiday. Also because we prepared banners for our soldiers homecoming.

Below: Megan Parker and Andrea Degraca

The banners will hang in the gym when our husbands come marching in. It will be only a small token of our love and appreciation for the immense sacrifices they make. It took our time, love and a lot of effort to create and we hope it conveys to them even a fraction of how happy we are that they're returning.

Below: Megan Parker, Andrea Degraca and Rochelle Tapia

It's really exhilarating to know that in so little time they'll be back, It's a relief as well. So many of us are managing a household on our own that involves more responsibility than we're used to. Dealing with basic (or not so basic) challenges like a pregnancy, a birth, your child going from infancy to toddler or even an elementary age child transforming to a preteen. Then there's those out of the ordinary situations we have to learn to get by like buying a house, selling a car, changing a car battery or affixing a license plate to the front of your vehicle (LOL). We've certainly learned to cope with whatever comes our way, and after almost a year of this (more than a year if you count training beforehand) we're happy to share the responsibility once again and welcome our own "Battle Buddies" home.

Below: Megan, Rochelle and I

So, Thank You. Not only to the men and women who have put their lives on the line for our freedom, but to the women who stayed behind. Those women who we're not only my support system, but my family. I am eternally grateful to you all for your friendship, your moral support, and your encouragement. You will always have a place in my heart and in my home. I love you all.  We're at the end of the race! We are all victorious!

Peace. Love. Sanity.