Gift of Life and Love

My Letter To Heaven


Dearest Antonio, 

I'm your only son's wife... I felt compelled to write to you, in honor of this day. It would've been nice to know you. You're son is an amazing man, I know you'd be so proud of him, and the soldier, husband and father that he became. I'm proud to be his wife. Everyday, I think of you and I say a little prayer. I pray that you're out there looking over him, although I know that there's no need for me to ask. I know if you were here, you'd say to him how great he is and then he might believe it. Everything would've been different for him. If he had only had you to lean on. If he could've only cried with you. His youth would've been different If you had only been around. He'd have known how great he was, how smart and how talented. How loved he was. He'd have known he could be more, do more.  He loves his Dad, Juan has been such a great father... I know you know that too. Regardless, I can see the void it's left in him, a void no one can fill. To never have spent one day with you, has left him to wonder if you would approve of him and who he has become, I know that you would. I just hope that he figures that out.

He's a beautiful man, with a heart of gold. I don't know if I say it enough, that I love him more than life itself. He's smart, and incredibly good looking. He has your eyes you know, and your smile. He has your height and even your hair. He looks very little like Mom, he's identical to you. I don't know how else to say to him how much he means to me, to make him believe it. He has all the answers, it's astounding how much knowledge fits in his brain. I'm always in awe by his random facts. He loves Astronomy and Science in general. I wish we knew if you did too. He loves to read of newly discovered species, he googles it. Even with all those smarts he still self doubts. I hope our children get that from him, not the insecurity, but the craving to know more.. I wish you'd met them too. Or rather that they'd gotten to meet you. I know wherever you are you're watching them, getting to know them. 

It's unbelievable how one action, can cause a reaction that alters the universe.

It's possible had you been around, he'd never have come to the U.S. Maybe, he'd still be in El Salvador... he could be somewhere else, who knows. Then, I wouldn't have such a wonderful extended family as I do today, a sister that I love and two more brothers, aunts and uncles, more parents or my darling kids... but I like to believe that maybe someday, we'd have run into each other and met the same fate. Only difference would've been you. I don't know you and I love you. I miss you and yet, we have never met. I look forward to meeting you in heaven and I hope for now, you'll continue to look over him and our children. I hope that you'll find a way to show him, how wonderful he is.

Rest In Peace Dad

Antonio Elias Martinez (on right)

Peace. Love. Sanity