My grandfather was to me what my father never was and sadly never will be. He provided me with the security and confidence I needed. He answered all my questions truthfully (and I asked a lot). He never failed to point out how smart I was or how beautiful I was. Losing my grandpa was like losing a part of me, that to this day I've never gotten back. The only things I have of him are partial memories and the smell of lavender, root beer floats, black licorice, and gummy bears. I recall a conversation vaguely where I asked him if he'd ever leave and he replied no. For so many years his response angered me and made me bitter. He told me he'd always be around. He said he would be front and center at all my big events. I knew the day he died that it would never be true and I hated him for leaving me behind. The day of his funeral i cowered in a corner, sobbing, praying that he would come back. I kicked and screamed when it was time to go, things for me were never the same.
Our family was not a family anymore. We were now a puzzle missing it's most important piece and that unity that my grandfather some how gave us, shattered when we lost him. We all drifted apart, moved away, everyone changed. I was never the same and neither was anyone else. Our families gathered less and less and we no longer celebrated my birthday. I missed it, but mostly I missed him and the effect his heart of gold had on people. He made everyone better. These days I can't think too happily of my birthday because I'm always reminded of how great things used to be and how wonderful they could've been if he were only still here. Where ever he is... I'm happy he's no longer alone. My grandmother joined him in October of 2009. I know they're watching over us now. RIP Grandma and Grandpa...... I love, miss, and remember you!
